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Tuesday, 27 February 2018

Obsessions Only Cyclists Have

Author
Cycle thoughts
Yeah, I’m niche. Not really something to boast about yet we humans like to feel as if we’re forging our own paths, that we are remarkable in some small way, atypical, one of a few. We follow not crowds, only our own will, for yes I’m smart, in control, not one of them, all those others who look and behave just like me, nay, observe me closely, I’m different, I’m special goddamnit.
Cyclists are no different. As a collective, we’re often accused of being self-entitled or ego-led, self-important, self-aggrandising, and as such hate figures to some. Yet the truth is we’re not special, we’re no different to others based on our choice of transport.
We do have our quirks, obsessions that help define us, routines which bond us. Damn, we are special after all.

Weather

We hate headwinds, love tailwinds. We hate rain yet secretly rejoice when it rains on a rest day. We hate the cold. We hate the blazing heat. We check the weather more times than your average sailor and know more about the wind than most glider pilots.

Tyre pressure

Just what is the perfect tyre pressure? Harder than the tarmac we ride on? Or should I run a lower pressure for comfort and grip but risk pinch flats? What if it’s wet? Let some air out unscientifically. That’ll do.
Give the tyres a little squeeze with the official thumb test. Hmm. Better give that some more air. Just in case. I have two words for you all. Tyre drop. All of your tyre pressure questions and dilemmas solved.

Matching kit

Some of us will not leave the house unless our socks match our arm warmers, which must match the arms on the side of our sunglasses. We’ll then ride the bike that best matches the colour of our jersey.

Data

Speeding cyclistAverage speed lower than your last ride? Argh. Same route right? Same wind. Same air pressure. What did I eat the night before that was weighing me down? Shit, I’m getting old. Must train more. Drop everything and get on the bike. What? It’s midnight? Well I am getting slower.
Most cyclists fall foul of over analysis when it comes to data, myself included. Whatever metrics you’re using it’s likely you’ll infer anything, from being ready to race with the pros all the way down to being near death.

A clean chainset

Some folk clean their chainset after every ride. Many cyclists get a little obsessive and compulsive when it comes to their chainset. It won’t be long before a new show comes to a satellite channel near you, How Clean Is Your Chainset?
I’m in awe. Mine gets a scrub once a quarter. Yet there’s few things more satisfying than the first ride with a clean chainset, your bike riding like new.

Bar tape

Who would get anal about the size of the overlap on their bar tape? Who? Ha. You know their name. The obsession doubles if the rider has white bar tape and we all watch their vain attempt to keep it clean for at least one ride.

Tan lines

Cyclist tan lines
Me cycle? How did you know?
No, we don’t look funny. Even though we do. We spend way too many minutes inspecting our shorts and jerseys on a sunny day to ensure the new tan lines will match the old tan lines. I quite like the multi-tone look myself.

Strava

No further explanation required. You know who you are.

Bike noises

Argh. What the hell is that now? There’s nothing worse for some riders than an undetectable click or clank destroying the silence of their ride. This one really gets me. Especially after you’ve dismantled the bike piece by piece only for the noise to persist. Argh.

Not being overtaken

The most pathetic trait yet one many fall prey to. For the male of the species there’s an odd primal need to chase down a passing female rider for the male must never be overtaken by the female. Never! Yup, pretty pathetic.
I love it when you overtake a rider and before you know it the very same rider is sprinting past you, trying to look as nonchalant as possible even though they’re riding on the limit. You continue on your way without upping your speed and realise you are reeling in the rider again because they are tiring. Your turn to look nonchalant.

All the gear

Hot bikeYou roll up to a new ride. A sportive. The rider next to you is wearing a skin suit, pointy hat and rides a time trial bike. He rubs warming emulsion onto his legs. Sips a protein-carbohydrate-electrolyte drink and inhales two gels just to be safe (true story!).
Attached to the tri-bars is a bar bag complete with a copy of Bradley Wiggins’s autobiography, three gas canisters, a spare chain and enough food to feed the entire sportive.

Bike weight

Must buy a seat with carbon seat stays. Carbon bottle holders. Is that stem carbon? Thin latex inner tubes. Tubeless. Carry less water. Wheel upgrade. Hmm, this frame is a little heavy. OK, new bike it is.

Routing

Must avoid A roads. And major roundabouts. Ooh, what is the surface like on that tiny road? Streetview time. Must find/avoid hills. How many metres must I climb? Must go near that coffee shop, that one with the massive portions. Must avoid those traffic lights. And THAT road. Eugh. End of ride must be downhill, with a tailwind. This last one is a personal must.

Socks for idiots

Why is it that my cycling socks have an L and R stitched into them? And why do I meticulously obey these instructions even though the one time I forgot it made no detectable difference?

Socks for fashionistas

Cycling socks fashionYes, socks get two entries, that’s how important they are to the cyclist. Sock colours must match your bike and/or have elaborate patterns for yes, we cyclists are defined by our socks. Mine break all the rules. They’re grey and thick. Forget psychometric testing, just look at my cycling socks, they say all you need to know about me.

The right amount of layers

Don’t want to be too hot, nor too cold. Which is better? Too hot. Then why am I always cold? Autumn and spring bring cold mornings but warmer days and cool evenings. A cyclist’s clothing nightmare. Despite this I refuse to buy arm warmers which are, let’s be frank, the single most ridiculous thing in the world. Truth is we achieve perfectly balanced temperature control using the cyclist art form known as layering, which like Japanese paper folding Jedi origami masters, takes years to perfect.

Riding

Of course. We’re cyclists, we just have to ride. Everywhere. Just popping to the shops. On my bike. Nipping out for a post-ride recovery, hours later returning home buggered. Commuting by bike. Riding indoors when needs must. We’re avid leg movers, never knowingly resting. Pub? Just remember to take a strong lock for when you get the taxi home.

Cake and coffee

It’s all about the cake. Not the bike, not the ride. The ride is about the cake stop. Now I like a good cake and I like a good coffee, yet oddly I don’t like the cafe stop. That last word probably says why. Stop. I don’t like to stop when riding.

Not putting your foot down, ever

Two scenarios. The traffic lights, we either coast up to them slowly and pray they change to green or, if we have the skills, manage to track stand, on a road bike. A pretty impressive skill. Yes, we must never unclip. Clipping back in is a drama for some. That moment when you think you’re clipped in but you’re not. Ouch.
Scenario two. Hills. Steeper than the bill from your last night out, yet still you persist, straining every sinew, tearing your leg and arm muscles apart because you must never be beaten by the hill and put your foot down. I’m very guilty of this last one.

Tools and accessories

The bike industry knows we’re suckers. And we truly are. Ridiculously priced carbon bottle cages, titanium bolts, or clothing with ridges on to make you more aerodynamic at 15 mph. I rest my case. So it is that with each passing year the bike industry finds new ways to sell bike tools to us. Star shaped bolts, bottom brackets with weird teeth like fittings, a staggering array of cleats. What do you mean you’ve no idea what BCD you require for your new chainring?

Food / time ratio

Eat on the bike, they said
How much food should I be eating per hour on the bike? Two bananas an hour? Three slices of soreen? How many nuts? 3 gels an hour? Vomit. We obsess because we do not want to meet the man with the hammer, the dreaded cycling bonk.

Miscellaneous bike bits

This has still got a bit of life left in it, you think, looking at the five year old bar tape, ragged and worn and smelly but not quite dead. Better hold on to it, just in case, you never know when this might come in handy. And so it begins. Your one person mission to amass more used and useless bicycle parts than ebay.
These well-worn brakepads? Looks like a millimeter of rubber is still left, better hold on to them, just in case. Hmm, this old wheel with a crack in the rim. Perhaps I’ll use the hub someday or need a spoke. Up the loft you trudge, knowing full well you’ll never see this wheel again!

Bikes

More bikes than we have toes. The winter bike. The commuter. The one for tailwinds. The shopper. The pub bike. The shiny one that’s too big. The Italian one that hurts our back. The one for that one day a year when it snows. The track bike for the nearest velodrome 222 miles away. A swiss army knife collection of bikes, even though we only ever use two of the tools at most.

Post-ride rest

Picture the scene. You’ve been cycling a superhuman amount of miles, about 30, and you feel near death. Time to rest. Still shivering from your ice bath, you take to the couch and raise your legs above your heart without quite understanding why but Cycling Weekly demanded you do it. A quick power nap follows.
Lo and behold anyone who suggests going for a nice Sunday afternoon walk. Do they not know you are a cyclist and you walk nowhere goddamnit. You tell them the story of Bradley Wiggins’s wife carrying the shopping from the car to the house to preserve poor Bradley’s energy. It’s a wonder you’ll have the energy to sign the divorce papers.
What about you, what quirks or obsessions are you willing to admit? Go on, no one’s judging. Much.
For further information log on website :
https://humancyclist.wordpress.com/2017/11/26/cycling-obsessions/

Hello Winter Bike. Please Forgive Me.

Author
Cycling in snow
Hello old friend. It’s been a while. What? Yes, it’s that time of year again. I know, I know. Brrr.
Her? The mistress? That was a mere summer fling, showing off in front of others, a lightweight frolic beneath the sun.
Nothing compares to you, ever dependable winter bike, bike number 1 once and forever. You’re the one who gets me through the hard times, little reward for your endeavours but hour upon hour of steady rolling through frozen landscapes, more mud than road.
Once little miss summer until usurped but look at you, still looking so glam, much better looking than her, the one with the matt finish, no flair there is there? You so well kept, ageing ever gracefully. They don’t make them like you nowadays.
Sure there’s a few nicks and wrinkles here, there and there, reminders of adventures past, that time you took me from London to Spain, or our first trip to big mountains. Some before we met, before I rescued you from a dusty garage, re-homed courtesy of the bicycle rescue centre, eBay.
What do you mean I could keep myself in better shape for you? I’m not too portly. Well maybe a little. The summer mistress break-up has taken its toll, recovery a heavy dose of biscuits and beers.
No, no, no, of course you’re not my rebound, I’m back for you and all those qualities little miss summer can’t provide. Comfort, sturdiness, carefree no matter the weather. Hard as nails, a bit of damp ground will not stop your thirst for adventure.

First winter bike ride

Our first outing is exciting, odd for but the briefest of moments as we get to know one another again. Familiarity may breed contempt, re-acquaintance devotion.
Of course you’re comfortable but it’s more than that, we know each others grooves, our lumps and bumps. We fit. Old school standard gearing matches the rhythm of my legs, comfortable yet racey. The geometry of days gone by understands that comfort and quick doesn’t require two different frames.
The roads are dry yet I do not regret choosing you. Sure, others may still be hanging out with their summer floozies, embarrassed by our presence, yet we stick with them and you make me a better person in the process.
The feeling of speed is blunted only for a few blocks, everything’s relative, sure 15 mph is the new 20 mph but now I can enjoy the journey in greater detail. No more clinging to the wheels of others, we forge our own paths, every ride a memory burned deep into this cyclist’s soul.
Sure every mile can’t be heaven. I remember to take things easier with you in the bends, braking earlier. The little quirk of yours when you refuse to move the front derailleur in cold weather. Yet it matters not if I’m stuck in the small ring for this is exactly where I belong, this is no malfunction, this is wisdom, gentle advice and guidance.
For we do not judge. You do not frown when I stop at the cafe, nor when I eat pies sat atop your saddle. You, the focal of attention, drawing strangers to us, they beguiled by your old school beauty.
Sunrise and sunset in the same ride. This is the winter bike romance. A relationship forged in hard times, the bond unbreakable. Until Spring anyway…
For further information log on website :
https://humancyclist.wordpress.com/2017/11/19/hello-winter-bike/

Why Do Cyclists Climb Mountains?

Author
Cycling up mountainsA strange addiction. Climbing to the skies, slow motion, pain, body revolting, hour after hour of mental questions. Why am I climbing this mountain?
We’re a strange bunch us cyclists. Speeding along dressed in tights, bottoms padded, riding great distances much to the bemusement of non-cyclists.
To them it’s unfathomable that riding up a mountain, a mountain for god’s sake, can be pleasurable. If only they knew.
What is it we find so appealing climbing over these hulking chunks of rock? The views we miss staring at our stem? The thrilling descent, cold and shivering, arms tired from constant braking. The pure mountain air, so thin near the summit we struggle to breathe?
The achievement perhaps? The first time maybe but what makes us return? Bragging rights? Surely not.
For me it’s the aura of the mountains, that feeling, that sense you get of being so small and insignificant against a monumental backdrop that has existed through the aeons, which, despite its frozen face is still alive, still growing, standing tall against the elements, constantly changing amidst the shadows as it reflects the skies, the view renewed morning, noon and night, isolated yet visible for miles around.
Spiritual. I may have missed my calling as a shaman.

What makes a good mountain climb?

Croix de fer summit cycling
Rider out of picture, on floor, fighting for breath
Yet not all mountains are equal. We all have a favourite mountain. Many defer to Ventoux, a climb I find so boring I prefer the mini lumps and bumps of Yorkshire. Yet ask me about summit views and Ventoux tops the lot. That view of Mont Blanc in the distance, spectacular, you, stood on a mountain separate to the ranges in the distance, views for miles.
I’ve not climbed a huge number of mountains, the famous Alpine climbs of the Tour de France, the mighty beasts of the Giro d’Italia, the mid-mountains of Majorca. The Pyrenees and climbs of the Vuelta Espania are missing from my collection, along with the hundreds of lesser known climbs still to be discovered, Romania or Slovakia perhaps. The Andes chain in South America. I can dream.
Even so it is difficult to point to a favourite climb. Each climb has its own personality, each a moment that challenges and inspires in equal measure. The horror gradients of Monte Zoncolan that scare your limbs into action, the shock of an ice cold tunnel on the summit of Passo Giau, or the crazy rollercoaster loops of Sa Calobra in Majorca.
The many variables mean no two climbs will feel the same. Heck, the same climb will change on different days, on different legs. When judging a climb we are not judging the mountain but the experience. Our experience.
Mountain weather can mean many experiences in just one climb, let alone repeat visits. The wind, rain and heat will add or detract from your experience. The animals you see, a fluffy fox on the Stelvio, a marmotte on Alpe du huez.
And then there’s that little variable that is you. And my oh my how we vary. How hard you climb, how tired you are, the climb where you ran out of food, or the one where you decided to chase the thin whippet up ahead with disastrous consequences.
The type of rider you are also plays a part too. Punchy or stamina based? Are you wearing enough clothes, too many? How big was your breakfast? All variables that will make or break the climb.
Not to mention the many different routes up a mountain. Most have two, some three, some more. How to choose? Just because a famous race tackles one side doesn’t mean it’s the best.
So the below is not necessarily a rank of climbs, but a rank of experiences.

Best mountain climbs

1. Zoncolan, Italy

Zoncolan climb cycling
It’s odd to me that the Zoncolan is top of the tree. A murderous climb, a leg breaker I almost didn’t ride as I thought it would be a sufferfest and nothing more. Yet the five hour round car trip was worth it. Body at peak fitness, I found my zen zone and rode this climb well within my limits, marvelling at the ever increasing gradient yet barely noticing the 1km stretch of 20%. The novelty of the narrow tunnels near the summit, the big reveal when leaving the darkness to a world full of views and mountains after climbing amongst the trees for so long. Elation.

2. Stelvio Pass (classic side), Swiss, Italian, Austrian borderlands

Hairpins on the Stelvio Pass
There’s a mystical beauty to this climb purely because it seems unfeasible that such a road could or should exist. The steady gradient of the Stelvio Pass demands you find a rhythm, a steady pace to winch your way up the incredible 48 hairpins, each twist and turn dropping your jaw ever nearer the floor. Beautiful, heart-achingly beautiful.

3. Beleach na ba, Scotland

Bealach na Ba cycling
Beleach na ba is perhaps the UK’s only true mountain pass. Isolated, climbing towards the lonely coastal village of Applecross from Tornapress, this Scottish Goliath delivers incredible views, hairpins, steep gradients and a weather roulette. An oddity in the UK, I felt privileged to be able to climb so high on the single track road, to enjoy the views of the Cuillin mountains in the distance on the Isle of Skye. Magical.

4. Col du Glandon, French Alps

Col du Glandon summit cycling
Glandon hairpins
My visit to the French Alps was largely disappointing. True I prefer short and sharp climbs like those found in the UK rather than slow and steady mountain passes. Yet the Glandon stood out for me, following the Romanche valley, the scenery constantly changing, incredible views at the top of snow capped peaks and ice-cold turquoise lakes on the descent of the other side.

5. Sa Calobra, Mallorca

Sa ColobraThe Mallorcan mountain road designed by a child. Loop de loop, forever twisting and turning, a writhing road trying to escape its rocky captor. There’s not much in the way of views on Sa Calobra, this short climb is one to hit hard and spin around each successive corner ever quicker. You will no be able suppress a child-like grin when descending and climbing.

Top 5 worst mountain climbs

A bad climb sees us endure a variety of emotions not too dissimilar to the five stages of grief: denial (I’m fine, there’s not much further to go), anger (I hate myself, cycling and this bloody mountain), bargaining (Please, just please let it end), depression (the world is mad, I’m mad) and acceptance (I’m not enjoying this at all but it’s not like I’m ever giving up so might as well just get on with it). In fact, it’s quite likely we’ll run through this cycle at least four times a minute up a bad climb!
Also revealing was the fact I have no photos of these climbs – experiences I wanted to forget. Once again, these climbs are bad because of my experience rather than the climb per se.

1. Ventoux, France

Perhaps it was the 4am rise to ride 40 miles to the base of the climb? Or the impending illness that would strike just 24 hours later. Or the weather, too good, pleasant in fact, little sign of the heat and monster winds battled by those who have struggled up this mountain. Perhaps because this was my first true mountain climb? Or perhaps I never attacked the climb enough to suffer? Or maybe, just maybe Ventoux is boring.
Truth is I was disappointed with this climb. Perhaps the myths had raised my expectations. I do regret not riding harder, after all this is a climb to suffer, not enjoy, right? The one redeeming feature of Ventoux is the summit view. Incredible.

2. Alpe d’Huez, France

Historic for sure, plenty of hairpins too, yet not a climb for me. Too famous for its own good. Alpe d’Huez is busy with traffic, crappy views on the way up and the finish, ha what’s that all about? No real summit to speak of, just a big car park and an assortment of ugly ski chalets.
It probably, well most definitely, didn’t help that I was stopped by a traffic light on the way up. Ha. Nor the fact I was routed through a busy market near the top. Not when I was riding full gas. A climb that was not to be!

3. Col du Chaussy, French Alps

A case of one climb too many. Day 3 of climbing mountains. The whimsical hairpins of Lacets de Montvernier and the lovely Col d’Madeleine already making for heavy legs on a blisteringly hot day, with temperatures hitting 38c. Not the time for another climb.
Yet the Col du Chaussy called simply because it was on the way home. Sure I could have just rolled back but a left turn to climb to the skies once again was hard to resist. The sketchy route profile in my head reassured me this was just a little lump to be navigated on the way home. My body quickly disagreed.
Bonking within a mile or two, the remainder of the climb was spent slumped over the stem. You know you’re cooked when you find yourself constantly standing only to sit down exhausted moments later. And repeat. A twisting, turning ascent, levelling off, dipping, only to climb again, no end in sight on the single track road. Beam me up Scottie.

4. Puig Major, Mallorca

Another climb on tired legs. Day four of mountain climbing, another blisteringly hot day, another slog up a climb that never seemed to end. Few hairpins to relieve the monotony. I’m sure these climbs would be very different on fresh legs. Even the sight of the turquoise waters at the summit couldn’t cheer me. I hated myself, cycling, and the world goddamit. Exhausted.

5. Passo delle Erbe, Dolomites

There’s a theme here. Day four of climbing in the Dolomites. Legs not quite dead but very far from fresh. The day began well with a 40 minute descent, 40 minutes! This can mean only one thing. It’s a long way back home and the only way is up. This climb has stunning views of the Funes valley but I was long since shot by this point. A puncture near the summit confirmed what my legs already knew. It was not my day.
What about you, what do you love about riding up mountains and which would be your best or worst?
For further information log on website :
https://humancyclist.wordpress.com/2017/11/05/why-do-cyclists-climb-mountains/

The Melancholy Of Losing Form And Fitness

Author
Cycling tired
I used to be a contender. I could have taken that KOM. I was quicker goddammit and now look at me. Pathetic.
Slow with a tailwind, the merest incline induces a series of huffing and puffing and effing and blinding. Strava automatically marks my rides as private as a sign of a respect to my former self. Inner chimp has become inner chump. Yep, I’m most definitely outta shape.
Empty legs, head and heart. The unthinkable has happened. I’ve fallen out of love with cycling. Say what now? Surely not? The urge long lost, denial initially fuelled more riding. Perhaps I’ll just blast through it, I thought, kidding nobody. This lasted for two months before THAT ride.
It’s over.
Such relief.
Year end comes early for this cyclist. Autumn. Form falls faster than the leaves abandoning the trees. A failed hill climb season peters out and this cyclist has all but quit. Hibernation time.
I’ve been ‘on it’, truly on it, since January. Nine months of riding hard. Every week the same as the last. A turbo session or two, a couple of hard club rides, daily commutes interspersed with monthly trips to the likes of Belgium and the Dolomites.
Not forgetting the early season base miles, from absolutely brutal C2C ride in atrocious weather, to the jaunt to the Peak District when my legs fell off. Oh and ten straight weeks of metric century rides every weekend during the base mile munching months. Nuts.
Yet adventures past are quickly forgotten once you begin to slow. Decline is inevitable yet still surprises and frustrates each time. This year I peaked at the end of July, just when I should have been building for hill climb season. Bah. Physically and mentally I could take no more. The ‘season’ was over, not that I could admit that to myself. Denial.
At first you think it’s simply a bad ride. And then another. And another. Interval sessions become impossible and you barely complete the warm up. The thought of riding becomes as appetising as going to work.
Each time you go for a spin, you do so with the speeds and achievements of days gone by in your head, impossible targets since your body is now in decline. Frustration makes you ride like an idiot in a vain pursuit of previous peaks. You fail, plundering the last of your energy reserves in the process and preventing any hopes of recovery.
Everything about every ride is difficult. The cold. You’re always cold. Every road surface so jarring it’s like riding on the moon. Even the cake stop brings no joy, all this talk of cycling, get a life people!
Mentally you’re long gone. Riding is boring, a chore. Somebody mentions a ride and you splutter ready made excuses​ about your broken eyelash. Come on they say, it’s only 40 miles. Ugh. What previously would have been a quick spin now sounds very, very far when the walk to the bike shed is beyond your limits.

What now?

Depressed cyclists
It’s not you, it’s me
An existential crisis kicks in. Who am I? What is life without cycling? Lycra gone, you’re Clarke Kent bumbling about not superman flying through quiet country lanes.
You take a break but this only adds to your declining powers. What happened? I love cycling, I’ve done my time, this isn’t supposed to happen, not to me.
How to fill all this spare time? Don’t want to write about cycling, or read about riding, or talk about it, or watch it on TV. Yes, you were that obsessive.
We are defined by what we do. So now what?

A new normal

Without realising it you become normal again, not one of them mad cyclists. The thought of a turbo ride is akin to torture. You rediscover the taste of chips and booze. You remember what it is to be social, to be drunk and inevitably hungover, but hey that’s fine, you’re not riding today.
The only Lycra you wear is for fancy dress parties, the only bananas you eat are flambéed with rum and served in pancakes. Sure, you’re still drinking electrolytes, they’re great for hangovers.
No longer do you open Strava daily. Oh no. Better not look at all those buggers enjoying rides whilst you’re sat on the couch in your underwear drinking a beer. It’s almost lunch time.
Game over. You feel guilty every time you walk past your bike. You’ve got the bike blues and need a break. How long, you cannot say. You’ll know when it’s time to return, when the legs and head are rested, you know, when you’re really, really, really slow.
Until then.
For further information log on website :
https://humancyclist.wordpress.com/2017/10/22/losing-form/

The Transcontinental Race (TCR) – A Dotwatcher’s Guide

Author
Transcontinental Race Dotwatchers Map (TCR)The Transcontinental Race (TCR) is a bike race across Europe or perhaps more accurately, a voyage into the unknown mental and physical capabilities of oneself.
The rules are simple. Ride unsupported across Europe following your own route via four checkpoints before reaching the finish line. There’s no official cut-off time for this c.2,500 mile (4,000km) race but many riders aim to finish within 14 days to be a part of the finish line celebrations.
Following an ultra-distance cycle race is fascinating (and tiring!). Forget about the theatre of the Tour de France and the other so called ‘Grand Tours’. TCR is the real thing, very real, a vivid drama on a human scale, an adventure both relatable to most cyclists whilst being equally unfathomable.
I’ve been following the race closely from the comfort of my home, or dot watching as it’s known. I am a certified dotwatcher. Dot watching has filled my days and fuelled my imagination. I am in awe of these riders, enthralled to their endeavours, inspired by their journeys.
What is Dot watching? To follow the GPS markers of crazy cyclists riding silly distances across the world in amazing times. You admire and envy the dots plotted on the map in equal measure, whilst also thanking your lucky stars you are not a dot.
The dots tell only a sliver of the story. Thanks to social media, many of the riders microblog their journeys during the rare moments they stop pedalling and find an internet connection. It’s a fascinating insight for the dotwatcher, one who has never attempted an adventure quite like these yet has experienced enough on the bike to empathise, dream and recoil at all they see.

The story unfolds

The race begins in Geraardsbergen, Belgium, home to the iconic and steep cobbled climb of the Muur from the Flanders Classic race. Sometimes just getting to the start line is an achievement in itself given the many months, or in some cases, years of preparation.
Many riders begin feeding their adventure addiction by dot watching just as I am. Intrigued and scared in equal measure, one year they sign up for the adventure of a lifetime thinking they know what they’re getting themselves into without knowing anything at all. Dot watching is a journey into the souls of others, not yourself.
Race entry successful, the hard work begins. I’d already been following the blogs and rides of two adventure seeking cyclists when I discovered they were friends and had entered TCR number 5 together as a pair, a race I’d begun following a year earlier. There could be no escape from my dotwatching fate.
I know neither Gavin nor Jo but have been sucked deeper into their world and the race ever since. The former’s monster rides and audaxes have embarrassed my Strava feed and opened my jaws for months, whilst the latter’s entertaining blogs on road.cc give a great insight into the scale of the challenge, particularly the mental side.
Just following their training and mental preparation for the Transcontinental Race has been exhausting!

The adventure begins

As the start line looms, so too does the nervous excitement, fear rearing its ugly head. Many questions, few answers. What if I’m not strong enough mentally and physically? What if my bike breaks or I fail to find food? Where will I sleep? How big are the snakes? How do you defend yourself against werewolves?
The rational and irrational become one, indistinguishable from one another, the question no longer of a race nor of when you cross the finish line, the focus simply, will I finish? Can I do this?

Following the Transcontinental Race

The race is firmly underway as I write, an armchair correspondent. I check the dots constantly every day, looking for those I feel I know by proxy, people I’ve never met and probably never will, yet am tied to invisibly through a remote sharing of their experience. This is electronic stalking and long distance worshipping.
Why is dot watching so fascinating? The journey the riders undertake is familiar yet impossible to comprehend. These riders are not professionals, they are not media trained, and many would scoff at the term ‘athlete’. They are just people who enjoy riding their bikes.
The TCR tracker shows you the position of every rider on the road, the race leader’s amazing progress, the pack in their wake, those who’ve not made it and have scratched (retired from the race), or the isolated dots miles from anywhere, forging their own route, their own stories. Technology serves not to alienate but to stoke the imagination.
The map brings the race into the palm of my hand, reducing the scope of the 2,500 mile race to a few centimetres, the dark shadows of mountains mere pixels in my palm. Zoom in and the enormity of the task comes into focus. A 3 millimetre gap between riders quickly becomes 300 miles.
Zoom further and open Streetview where you see the bus shelter at which the dot is probably stopped. The dot now becomes very human. They’re sleeping in that?! I get the shivers just looking at the image of a concrete bus shelter, taken in daylight on a sunny day. The rider lies there uncomfortably in the middle of the night, alone, in the pouring rain. All they have to eat is the remains of a bag of M&Ms.

Zoom beyond the map

The tracking map gives you an insight into the riders routes and their progress but not their stories. Social media brings the dots to life. Stories unfold, uncensored thanks to tiredness, fear, relief and exhilaration. Sometimes all emotions in one post.
Below are some of my favourite tweets from this year’s race, which together tell the story from this dotwatcher’s perspective. This a document of the dotwatcher more than the rider, for these snippets cannot possibly tell the story of the riders or reach the depths of their emotions. These posts are merely sentences within a paragraph within a chapter within a novel.

The story of the Transcontinental Race

Long before the race begins, the riders begin riding distances you’d question in a car.



View image on TwitterView image on Twitter

maps of all the rides since hearing i had a place in , audaxing, commuting, and a lot of riding "over there and back".

Then comes the cash investment. Riding a bike can be cheap. Spending money to allay your fears less so.
Mapping and routing is half the battle. Free to choose your own route via four mandatory checkpoints means days and days studying maps and Google Streetview. Is the route paved, where will I sleep, where will I eat? I love routing but my head hurts thinking about the logistics of TCR.
As the event nears, riders begin packing and kit lists flood the internet. Every item on the kit list has been agonised over for months. A balance between comfort and minimising the weight penalty of additional items. Toothbrushes are chopped in half and anything not deemed essential left at home. Goodbye deodorant!
Before long the riders begin sharing their bike porn pictures, bikes weighed down with bike packing bags. Proud parents showing off their newborn.
As the day nears, riders face up to the emotional and physical rollercoaster ahead. Doubt and panic occupy their days, a heady cocktail of fear and excitement.

hair cut
phone bank
pack bike
nap
mild panic
unpack bike
repack bike
nap

interspersed with eating. today's list

The race finally begins on the famous Belgian cobbles of Muur van Geraardsbergen. Lanterns light the steep cobbled climb before the riders enter a world of darkness and ride through the opening night. The start is a welcome relief to many. Fears, nerves and excitement dissipate once the legs begin pumping and riders do what they do best. Ride.
Dotwatchers are just as excited as the riders. The beauty of this race is its unpredictability. There is no predefined route and every rider has a very different idea of the best route to the first checkpoint.



So has only just started 30 mins ago, and already people are heading in totally different directions. Love it! People heading N??

Food is a big theme as riders struggle to replace calories and avoid the dreaded bonk. Following the race quickly becomes a guide of how not to eat healthily as the riders try but fail to find nutritious calories. There’s no salads, no fruits, no vegetables, only pizza, ice cream and cake. Food is energy, no more.

So bored of food. Forget who said this is an eating race with some cycling thrown in

Most riders will gorge not knowing when their next meal may be, much to the confusion of waiters when one person orders enough food for three people. Hot food of any variety is a luxury. I have no idea what the pink thing on the plate below could be and I never want to find out.



proper salad, a week's worth of cheese (grated), random pork product, egg, a suggestion of vegetables

Not that eating crap food can’t be enjoyable. One of my favourite photos of a rider. Just look at the joy on Oliver’s face!
Amongst my favourite food images is the random food item strapped to tri-bars with bungee cord. An ingenious storage solution, not to mention motivation, the food forever dangling in front of your nose. You know it doesn’t last long.
Sometimes it’s easy to forget about the beauty of the world the riders pass through. The adventure is as much to discover the world as it to discover themselves.
Where there is beauty and light, there is darkness and tragedy. The long distance cycling community has been shaken recently by two high-profile deaths of competitors, including Mike Hall, the founder and organiser of the Transcontinental Race. His life inspired so many and his tragic death left riders questioning the sport they love.
The news of Frank Simon’s fatal accident on the very first night of this year’s race struck like a lightening bolt. A collective gasp, many questions. Numb.
To continue or to stop? A question many asked and found difficult to answer. Some chose to ride no more. Others chose to ride on, for misfortune can strike at any time, anywhere. Paradoxically, for some cycling is an escape from the many questions they face. Sometimes the best way to honour the lost is to finish their journey for them.
Sleep is either hard to come by or kept to a minimum, depending on your approach to the race.


£20 hotel for a few hours while it's boiling is way better than fighting ants and spiders under a tree

Riders are never truly alone. The dotwatchers know where you sleep!



Home sweet home for Karen Tostee for the night . Might have a free alarm clock! 🚂🚂 She's about 2nd woman atm I think?

Being tired and riding great distances is rarely a good idea. Stay safe my beautiful little dots.

I do the stupid shit so you don't have to. Today I rode in a tram track in Innsbruck and crashed on the high street 💪

The riders are not only battling themselves and other competitors. Mother nature likes to play too. All cyclists know the discomfort of riding in the rain. TCR takes this to another level with no change of kit and no place to sleep after a soaking? Hmmm.
Rain is almost the easy part. A heatwave strikes southern Europe during the race and riders must endure temperatures up to 46 Celsius.
The route you masterminded many months earlier from the comfort of your armchair no longer looks so perfect. You want to cry. The few rules of the Transcontinental Race mean no outside help. Dotwatchers must keep quiet, like film crews on wildlife documentaries they cannot intervene in the scenes before them no matter what suffering they witness.

Road banned from cycling... Looks like a 3 km hike... Do your homework etc.


Painting an arrow on a cat and throwing it in the air would've been more use than Garmin today.

Dotwatchers get excited when they see a lamb wander from the flock. A lone dot forging its own way in the world. What on earth are they up to? Crazy or genius? We must know.
Not all diversions are tactical. Some riders like to entertain. TCR maybe a chance to reflect and return wiser. It’s also a chance to get in touch with an earlier version of ourselves.
Before long the effort begins to tell. First on the non-human machines. Mechanical. Gah.
Inevitably​ the ride also begins to take its toll on the human machines too. The riders’ bodies creak and crack. They begin falling apart.

-Ian, will you tell us tales of ?
-Of course. Are you sitting comfortably?
-Yes
-THEN YOU'LL NEVER UNDERSTAND


Fuck this. Ice cream. Just need to see if they'll apply it where it'll do me the best.


Think I overdone it a bit last night. Knees are complaining loudly. May have to rethink strategy in order to finish.

It’s very easy to forget this is a race. For many it isn’t. Riders and dotwatchers alike. Sometimes it’s enough just to know your dot is still moving. Your daughter, son, husband, wife, friend.
Dotwatchers keep a close eye on the leaders. Who needs TV when you have the exciting prospect of two dots meeting?
The riders may be competitors, but they are friends first.

's Lenhard has crossed paths with the leading pair, and looks like he will pass the northbound peloton on the same A13 road!

Nothing is unusual in an extraordinary race.

Never seen a wild bear before!
Yup dudes, a bear going up to Cp4 - not joking.

Days pass, lifetimes for the riders spending up to 20 consecutive hours in the saddle. As riders thin out on the road, so too do their social media updates. The real battle has begun and every ounce of mental and physical energy is focused only on finishing.
For some, it is all too much and the heartbreaking ‘Scratched’ tweet is fired into the sky like a cannot shot. One more down. One week into the race and 25% of riders have scratched. For some it’s physical, some mental. Others just commonsense.

Met another scratched rider on the train. He was scared of traffic on the roads. please be safe out there riders 💖😘🚴🏻‍♀️

The dots of the scratched remain on the map in the last place they stopped, transparent ghosts of adventures past, memorials to amazing achievements.

I did this race to find my limits and I found them. Thanks all for the most amazing support


As soon as the decision was made the Austrian mountains became 5x more beautiful. It was like the dark tunnel vision had lifted!

After just under nine days the race end nears for the leaders. TCR no 5 has enjoyed a close battle between two good friends, James Hayden and Bjorn Lenhard. At times they’ve been within metres of one another and when they meet after many a mile they are not rivals but friends.
And yes, this is a race for some, not just a bike tour. The determination and dedication of the leaders is awe-inspiring. Their achievements many years in the making.

In 2016 I rode 350km with a hamstring tear to finish 4th. Imagine what I'd suffer to win. GREECE I'M COMING.

It’s hard to imagine the suffering of the riders but this picture of the winner gives you some idea after riding through the final night on a 600km session with no sleep. Soooo tired.

Tough night, terrible road surfaces destroyed me. Finally down to 300km. ETA 9pm 🙄 nurse broken body home.
Once suns out my legs wil warm up, just shaken to bits from roads. But espresso. pic.twitter.com/6FyvzgQsEX

View image on Twitter

With James Hayden and his dot inching nearer to the finish, I got way too excited watching a dot slowly move up the final mountain towards the finish. Refresh, refresh, refresh. Look at that dot go! Yet somehow this was more exciting than any sprint finish on the Tour de France (note to organisers – some simple live footage of the winner would be appreciated next year, a mobile phone will do!). Many congratulations James, winner of the Transcontinental Race 2017.



This is entertainment. Watching the dot of @JamesMarkHayden inch up the final climb to win . Ridiculously exicted! How must he feel?!

For these riders, the superhumans, the race is over and they’re able to enjoy a well-earned beer after 2,500 miles in an incredible 9 days. Wow.
For others the adventure continues. Yet no matter the finishing time nor the route taken, each rider leaves a different person with memories that will last a lifetime.
Only one rider officially wins the Transcontinental Race but dotwatchers know this isn’t true. All riders, whether they finish or not, deserve a massive medal. And the tastiest beer of their lives!
A huge thank you to the riders for sharing glimpses into what is an amazing and incomprehensible achievement. Returning to a ‘new normal’ life must be very difficult but I hope you enjoy sleeping in your own bed, eating vegetables again and no doubt reliving the adventure of a life time. Respect.
And let’s not forget the rider’s still out on the open road. Support them now, every little cheer, virtual or not, helps them to the finish line.

Just had a guy stop, get out his car, clap me as I past and shout 'transcontinental go! go! go!' and then drive off - made my day.




Me and Kristoff, a dot watcher who was waiting by the side of the road to support. Made my day http://ift.tt/2voxNut 

How to follow the Transcontinental Race and become a Dotwatcher

Get dot watching! Two options:
  1. Official Transcontinental race tracking site
  2. Free Route tracking map – the mobile friendly site used by those in the know
Like the look of an image taken on the route? Check out this great map plotting TCR Instagram images. Amazing.
Follow the hashtag on Twitter, usually #TCRno5. The number changes each year, so 2018 will be the sixth edition.
Join the Facebook group where you’ll find more detailed commentary from riders and dotwatchers.
Of you go. Find a comfortable chair, sit back and be amazed! Enjoy, cheer and support. And be warned, you will become addicted!

For a race that isn't televised, the @transconrace is the most exciting bicycle race to watch! What will I do when it's over?

For further information log on website :
https://humancyclist.wordpress.com/2017/07/31/transcontinental-race-dotwatching/

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